Change once again....

Finally I know what is it that’s missing in me. Every time a relationship ended I would brood upon what went wrong. Where was I at fault? What do I need to do, to improve so I am not dumped again. And all such kinda of questions, which kept circling my mind till about yesterday. I wouldn’t be able to thank that person enuf, who actually pin pointed the mistake and worded the problem. You know its easier working upon a problem when you know what it is. Otherwise its like shooting in the dark. Everybody knows especially when you introspect, which I do pretty often, that we have hoards of things we could improve upon. Especially when a relationship goes sour you come to critically analyse yourself on ten thousand things. And contemplate that this is where I would have gone wrong, or this is the thing I didn’t do right or may be this is wat he disliked in me and all those hazaar connotations. You live inflicting pain on your self, still don’t come out with a concrete solution till you actually know the actual reason.
So I have enuf reasons to write this post a) cause I wanna thank that person who finally brought an end to my self induced sufferings, and b) I am kinda excited that I will have a definite goal to concentrate on from now on. Now atleast I know, okay this is wat I need to change. Sigh its such a big relief you cant even imagine. I donno if I ll be successful in changing myself. I m sure it wouldn’t be a drastic difference but wat the fuck atleast I can make an effort now since I know.
So is that the word ‘finesse’ which is supposed to be missing in me. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t offended when I was told, this is wat u gotto brush up on, supported by hazaar disgusting examples, you know what I mean right. But I hope its all in good faith.
So here is my 3 point agenda/poa towards making an effort for a change:-

1. From now on this would be the only place for an abusive vent, not on the floor, not in public, and not in private as well (sheesh this is gonna be the hardest task considering that I used to take such pride in the fact that I can swear like a man and no less).
2. I am gonna get some kinda silencer or volume modulator fitted in my vocal chords. So what if I have grown up in a family where everybody is high pitched, barring few men (who instead should have been). But its (high) time things improved atleast for the benefit of noise pollution if not anything else.
3. Dressing up doesn’t always mean doling-up wearing oodles of makeup. One can always look good, nice, smart, graceful well-groomed etc etc without getting patched up. And no, nice paintings are not always made on a clean canvass. Sometimes one did need to do some covering up.

Now I hope this works, and I really can do something constructive. Fingers crossed… legs crossed…