Trusting THE predator...

Can you trust someone who belongs to the casanovian genre ever since you’ve known him. Would you believe even one word of all the sentences uttered, when you know all he’s done his life is mastered the art of pursuing. But its easier said than done. Especially when you kinda reciprocate the behaviour. Flirting as reiterated is just casual flattery without any serious motives/vested interests, and its especially not meant to encourage a promiscuous relationship. Though its easier to fall for someone when he/she is good to you.
But then where do u draw the line. How do u differentiate if at all its serious or just another casual comment. You know at times that person would want to say something out of intention but its taken as a casual remark just cause her/his impression is such. Or out of self defence mechanism and vice versa. In any case it’s a very difficult and dicey situation.
I used to always wonder why do they fall and feel non-sympathetic towards wimmen going after men known for a evil reputation. Its like heading towards danger on intention. Infact most men and wimmen get into this trait after their relationship(s) has been unsuccessful. And I can say this out of experience. Cause I myself don’t trust most of them now. And say things which are not meant most of the times. But as they say for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Now its hard to trust someone who is so much like you. Its like facing the mirror and trying to convince yourself that don’t be so harsh, give yourself another chance. May be its serious this time.

Old Fashioned as I am...

Aajkal hamara waala pyaar nahi hota na. I think I am getting old. The things that shock me or the incidences which take me by surprise are more frequent now then wat it used to be before. When I was in love, which is like once upon a time. We would be like hooked to each other, day in and day out literally, through some form of communication or the other. Mostly twas phones barring all those times we were not in touch physically. You know wat I mean my morning wud start from an sms from him, to an update about each and every passing second and ditto for each and every hour of the day. The only time we didn’t talk or keep in touch in some form of the other was when he or me was sleeping. And we loved every minute of it. Today if I were to ask a couple they would consider it intrusion. Lack of personal space and all that.
But back in those days, that felt like being in love head over heals. It was as if we couldn’t literally live without each other. My last message of the night would also be his and vice versa. Come to think of it now, its kinda funny. Where did all those conversations come from. How come we dint get bored of each other, which is so common now. How come we never wanted anybody excluding each other, which is so abnormal now. Just the two of us were sufficient to enjoy a coffee for over an hour, yap non stop looking at each other, even though no touch was involved and no vested interests. Nothing matter just nothing. I remember having severe cold, and still enjoying a motorcycle ride, without worrying about the chill or the pollution or somebody watching us.
But now things are different. The kids these days don’t fall in love the way we used to. Most gals are only looking for good looking, handsome rich guys who would shower abundance of wealth on them, and accept them with their hazaar flaws. And guys, wat do I say about them, they do everything barring standing upside down for a few minutes of fun. To top it all you are suppose to give each other space, and not keep a track of his every freaking move. Tabhi to you hear so many cases of guys turning out to be crooks and psychos and cheaters, after a few months of affair. I feel the younger generation doesn’t get emotional so easily as well. And its easier for them to hop in and out of a relationship now. Which in a way is good. Not that anybody wants to sulk about a broken relationship. But then most guys are such commitment phobic these days. In our times even though they faked it to get a gal into bed, but it alteast felt good to hear those three magical words while love making. Which is so not the case now, the needs are clear at both ends now. We doing it for plain physical gratification and please don’t misunderstand. I hope we both are on the same page. And its not gender specific, even gals are open about it these days. Does that mean love doesn’t exist now. Or is it too much to ask for. Whatever said and done I still prefer my old fashioned way of loving each other and pataoing gals.

Yearning to Learn...

Things that I should learn:-

1. I need to learn the art of looking busy when I have no work..
2. I need to learn how to keep friendship and emotions separate.
3. Need to learn how to say NO.
4. Need to learn how to communicate things without shouting.
5. Need to learn not to sulk
6. Learn not to indulge in self sympathy.
7. Learn how to be confident and portray it.
8. Learn to make my own decisions.
9. Learn to stand by my own decisions.
10. Learn not to regret.
11. Learn how to get over past relationships
12. Learn how to maintain a decent distance yet be close.
13. Learn how to control my anger.
14. Learn how to look good always.
15. Learn to quit bad habits
16. Learn how to prioritise relationship and work.
17. Learn to be more systematic in life.
18. Learn how to remember things.
19. Learn how to balance work and professional life.
20. Learn how to fall in love and how to come out of it.
21. learn not to crib.
22. learn not to be a doormat and to maintain my identity/dignity when in love.
23. learn not to be too obsessive about things.
24. Learn to respect myself.
25. Learn how to respect people and make them respect me.
26. Learn how to be myself yet make others accept it.
27. Learn how to convey my point with conviction.
28. Learn how to fake it.
29. Learn to get over mood swings
30. learn how to be happy.
31. learn to introspect and not be over critical.
32. learn to make good use of money.
33. learn how to save.
34. learn not to postpone things.
35. learn not to be generous with everyone and anyone.
36. learn not to be adamant.
37. learn how to enjoy life without bad habits
38. learn whom to forget and whom to remember
39. learn how to be confident in my skin.
40. learn to forgive.
41. learn to not compare.
42. learn not to be jealus and insecure.
43. learn to read newspapers regularly, eat nutritious food, avoid junk food.
44. learn to be alone.
45. learn to plan for future.
46. learn to keep secrets
47. learn not to be bitchy.
48. learn to talk less.
49. learn to wait for the right moment and believe in destiny.
50. learn to value things.
51. learn to be patient
52. learn to have faith in god.
53. learn to control my vocal chords.
54. learn not to be lazy.
55. learn to pamper myself
56. learn to rite something regularly over here.
57. learn to write a happy post.
58. learn not to flirt
59. learn not to chat
60. learn to exercise and diet control
61. learn how to be diplomatic
62. learn not to be judgmental abt others.
63. learn to understand that improvement begins with an ‘I’
64. learn to accept different kinds of people.
65. learn to rite a post which is not autobiographical in nature.
66. learn how to make money
67. learn how to not get hurt.
68. learn how to make everyone happy.
69. learn how to learn most of the things on this list.
70. learn to be loyal.
71. learn to have minimum/zero expectations.
72. learn to be independent.
73. learn to take things as they come.
74. learn to not take things personally.
75. learn to be more open in life.
76. learn to move on.
77. learn to keep things less complicated than wat they are.
78. learn to be more flexible.
79. learn not be gullible.
80. learn how to sound more convincing.
81. learn to listen
82. learn to practice what you preach.
83. learn how to meditate.
84. learn how to socialise without making a news.
85. learn how to dance
86. learn how to cook.
87. learn to enrol myself for a social cause.
88. learn to pray everyday.
89. learn to be more open to ideas/criticism.
90. learn to differentiate btw good bad and ugly.
91. learn to do things on time, and not wait till the last minute.
92. learn how to remember things.
93. learn to forget.
94. learn to help others yet keep out of their troubles.
95. learn to get over confiding.
96. learn to be more vocal and demonstrative when required.
97. learn to take, accept and fulfil responsibilities.
98. learn to be more matured and act my age.
99. learn not trust anyone and everyone.
100. learn to say things I mean.
101. Learn to hide my emotions.

And I m still learning…..

Talk abt it...

I was watching a news on tv. Where two gals had killed their parents. This story came about 2-3 days back. And everyday there is a new twist to the story. First day they showed that a gal from meerut with her friend had killed her parents. She said she had killed them cause they used to beat her and her friend, and would differentiate btw her and her brother. This was quite indigestible, considering you wont kill your parents just cause they beat you black and blue, or they were partial towards your brother. That is like so common. I don’t have a brother, but I know parents have different set of rules for guys and gal.
The next day there was a different revelation. The gal confessed that she was raped by her step father and brother for years that’s why she killed them. Infact she had ritten a letter to the wimmen’s cell in august describing her agony. But no action was taken on the same. And when she cudnt take anymore she killed them one day in a fit. Even after the tv was switched off, I cudnt help thinking that incest is so common in our country yet its such a taboo to speak about it. I am sure 7 out of 10 gals have been thru it in some form or the other, but they don’t speak about it for various reasons. And its completely understandable for a gal to do something so heinous as a retort to it. Imagine going through something like that, when you don’t even know the meaning of periods. Imagine experiencing the worst form of secs when your body is not even conditioned for it.
And then you cannot even speak about it, cause everybody would blame you, cause you would be looked down upon as an impure object not worth acceptance, cause the society will consider you as an available commodity after such a secret is revealed and all such nonsense reasons. We all glorify secs so much, without even thinking that one rape can make you averse to the idea of it forever. And proper counselling and guidance can probably make you a better and confident person. Yet there are so many parents, so many gals who keep these things under cover, and keep nourishing it till it becomes a big inferiority complex.
I wish I never have a gal child ever, cause the things they have go thru is not worth the price they pay for being a gal or getting matured. Even if I do, this is one thing, I’d be most sympathetic about god forbid in case. Cause they are not to be blamed, it’s the society which sucks. And if counselled well, from my experience she can come out to be a better person, not committing mistakes normal gals commit like falling for the wrong guys and all that. As they would have known that secs is never a word in isolation, it always has its repercussions good or bad depending upon circumstances.

Ass Usual...

Its sulk time again. And I donno if sulking is the right word. When you goof up big time and you know its because of you that everybody is getting beaten up, how exactly is the feeling. Sulking, guilty, complexed, angry, frustrated, sad, introspecting etc etc. I am feeling a mix of all emotions combined in one. I really donno if I should be angry with myself or take this as a learning opportunity. Ideally one should get up and get a hold of himself/herself to introspect what went wrong and how in future such things should be avoided. Rather than indulging in self pity which most ppl like me do under such kinda circumstances.
I donno even know how to start saying sorry for all those ppl who had to bear the brunt of it cause of me. Infact even though I really don’t want to admit this but a small little word called ‘sorry’ doesn’t come too easily to me. I better die enable to face myself than say sorry especially when I know that such a thing would be repeated time and again. I have to learn this even though I am Adam’s age now. Such behaviour should be totally unacceptable. And what better place to make a confession or admit this, than here. My stupid, little, loyal blog. Who doesn’t counter me, who doesn’t make me feel all the more guilty. Which just listens and listens and listens.
I am not even sure if I’ll do something today to mend my ways. Or if I would go about improving things. Where to start from. Can somebody guide me. I seriously need a shrink cause 30 plus you are not expected to learn how to say sorry, when most of us are so experienced enuf to not make mistakes/blunders in the first place. Load of questions circling my mind. Will he forgive me, will I be able to prove people wrong that no I m not useless. Can I perform, is it worth introspecting. If there is some kinda grooming classes happening anywhere please let me know. Or I will die of guilt and complex. Thank god nobody knows me out here.