I hate…..

I wouldn’t have written this post had I been at least ten years younger today. But then I was a lot more immature then and took everything on its face value (not that I don’t do it now). However, I would like to pat myself for being a lot more saner now, even if it means following the extremist route. Now my philosophy in life is to ‘prepare for the worst’, if the worst happens I am prepared for it in any case and if it turns out good then it will be a pleasant surprise.
Human relationships are evolving everyday, and by evolving I mean this is the age of experimentation. With the kinda temptations around, I would consider it normal to follow the league of sinners who practice eating the forbidden fruit on a regular basis and accepting that yes I have done it. I personally value those people more who have been there and done that and have no qualms in accepting it. As compared to those who proclaim to be the best and the most idealistic ones yet do things which sinners like us wouldn’t even dream off doing.
That’s why I hate all these social networking websites from the real bottom of my heart, which not only makes you feel dwarfed and complexed in front of those people who seem to be following all the correct norms in life but are doing so happily. I may sound a little wapt here, all I am referring to is, all those blog sites/social networking platforms and websites where people confess their undying love for moms/dads/spouses etc etc , and also proclaim how proud they are and vice versa.
For ages I thought there is something genetically wrong with me that no one found that unfound love for me, till I vowed to myself that enough is enough and I am not going to visit certain blogs/websites which leads me to a state of depression. Also I think I need to be more acceptable to people’s flaws even if it means your best friends/bfs/gfs/spouses/parents/siblings etc. Just because you follow a particular trait in life that doesn’t mean everybody else is a fool like you. Additionally only if I could get rid of the fb addiction which makes the worst kinda (w)hole in my already bruised self esteem.
God please give me the strength to face it all and yet be unaffected…..
Amen…

Thomas Crown Affair…. An affair to remember.

If you guys have not seen this movie then I suggest you must. I know I am a little late in life to advocate this movie now. But I just realised that if I had to make a list of my favorite flicks then this for sure will top the list. I saw this movie way back when I was in college in the front stall of Chanakya cinema I remember. That time since I had just arrived in the Hollywood scene, so it didn’t sink in that much. But ever since whenever I have watched this movie its grown over and over again on me. This I can say more so now, cause thanks to my tainted romantic life I kind of relate to it every time I watch it. Unfortunately since the first time I saw it on theatre in my college days I haven’t had the time and the liberty to watch it completely in one sitting.
Pierce Brosnan’s character in the movie is more then what meets the eye only once you watch it. If I had liked him say 10% in Remington Steele I like him 10 folds now after watching this. Sauvé, sophisticated, classy, intelligent, quick witted, sharp, flirtatious, rich with the gift of gab were some of the qualities I always wanted in my man, and the writer/director of the movie couldn’t have portrayed it better with Pierce fitting the bill to ‘Perfection’. And Rene Russo not only compliments the character but gave a very close fight to enigmatic character like Thomas crown. How I aspire to be like her in every which way possible.
My definition of a ‘Woman of substance’ who is not only good looking but also is as good or as bad any good looking/intelligent man. I wonder if Sushmita Sen was inspired by her character in the movie to name her daughter ‘Rene’. Cause she is another woman I admire a lot in the Indian film fraternity.
Not to forget the plot of the movie where ‘a very rich and successful playboy amuses himself by stealing artwork, meets his match in a seductive detective only to turn him around’ is awe inspiring. I don’t know how many of you like movies which one can relate to. I atleast like only those where in I can fit into the character and feel that this is how I would have also reacted/acted in the situation. So I not only connected to Rene’s character, altogether to a different level in the movie. But it made me introspect as well only to think how I wish the guys I fall for, would turnaround at the end of the day like in the movie.
You know what I mean J….

Apartheid...

I was reading this news in the paper today about two pop stars getting married the Indian way. It’s the latest fad to exchange wows the traditional way, especially in the West. More and more westerners have come to love the Indian culture lately, and more so are following the suit. I don’t know if our traditional system was so popular before or is it that the media is more active now. I like to believe the former, that our culture / tradition / rituals are more in vogue now. Then why is it, even though you come to the country indulge on our lavish hospitality, but end up cussing the ‘bloody Indians’. With recent cases like the two pop stars who came few days back with a host of wedding guests, couldn’t forbid themselves from making remarks like “bloody Indians, f**k off”. Australians before dumped a refrigerator out of the 8th floor house from the CWG games village. And host other of incidents we keep hearing of racism in the so called up-market countries.

I am enraged to say the least. These guys never leave a chance to show us the inferior ones. Yet most of the Indians would love to give their right arm anyday to settle abroad. With this kind of humiliation and even otherwise I am happy being here with whatever little money I have.

I fail to understand, what’s the big deal about studying abroad, when we have the best of education here. Or is it the competition, thanks to our mounting population everyday, that we look for greener pastures in the outside world. Personally speaking for me there is no place like my own town if I have the money and power. And I wouldn’t even like my son to go abroad for studies or otherwise no matter how big the university is or how big the name tag is. I know after you get that ‘studied abroad’ tag how companies start running after you. It could be a too good an offer to resist, but I would never like to avail it unless a dearth of it otherwise in the home country. I am sure most of you are laughing your ass off saying who is offering you anyway. Still I profoundly believe if we can afford the best of education here and why not.

So many of my friends who are settled abroad for various reasons, have gone through racism in one form of the other still we are ready to lick their feet for little money. I think no one likes to leave there home town unless ambitious otherwise. I know of so many people who hailing from small town say that they would love to go back to their home town, even if its half the salaries for them. But sadly in India I do agree that most of the towns accept metros don’t offer much of a career scope. Though this is not the case otherwise , I mean for India vs. abroad. Indian companies are paying at power in comparison to all those high flying lucrative jobs outside. So then why leave, that too, at the cost of your self respect. We cannot stop people from coming to India and misbehaving but atleast we can curb their chances of misbehaving with us by being here. You know what I mean.

The equator in life

Yesterday I was speaking to a colleague in office who is as old as me, only that she is not married. She was telling me that she doesn’t have many friends now, as most of them are married. That comment set my mind racing giving me a fodder for this rite up. I realised as you cross various milestones in your life your associations in life become more and more limited in number. When I was unmarried I had loads of friends both men and women. Plus I could any day make new ones without giving a second thought to it. Gender was never an issue so long I could tackle them properly. But as when you grow old family pressures of getting married starts building up. Some people are strong enough not to give in to those pressures of life. But normal people like us who have no option but get married. Soon realise that as soon as you take those seven full circles there is an imaginary line which is also formed between the people you associated with. Essentially now there are two kinds of people one married and one unmarried. Both of them don’t understand each other and there is like a huge generation gap between the two. A lot of things which were possible before seem to become impossible all of sudden e.g. things like socialising with men for me and vice versa for men. Now you haven’t been used to this divide when life divides you further that is when you have a kid. Now you are part of even smaller world which is a subset of married people. This divides you from those married couples who don’t have kids. So its now married people with kids vs without kids. Although this divide can be construed totally imaginary but it is stronger than the laxman rekha once build and this I can say through experience. Because it changes your whole perspective towards life. Your needs and wants and priorities shift now. With the one who are deprived of the kid having a least understanding of the change. But there is a change and a definite one. The divide slowly becomes wider and wider and wider till you don’t think you can bridge the gap. And decide to part ways cause none of the person in question understands. Both think its easier said than done and they are equally rite. However I wonder who is at fault. Didn’t I try hard enough or was there something genetically wrong with me. I am still introspecting.

Vent...

When the timing is bad, expectations are sky soaring and the people are less. Why is that everything is inversely proportionate to bad timing accept hard luck.
This place will never complaint thankfully about how much I crib. With the temperatures on an all time high right now, my patience levels seems to be diminishing too. And I pity those people who are forced to live with me in such torrid times. I should be venting out regularly, in order to keep some smoke out of my system.

Distant Dream...

The most satisfying thing for a parent is to see their daughter happily married and settled with her hubby. And if the hubby takes care of the gal better than her father did, than nothing like it. But that in most cases, this is like a distant dream, something next to impossible. For my parents even the former I think is a distant dream, with my divorce in process. I had difficulty finding a match when I was unmarried, now its like out of question with a baby on board.
I see so many happy couple all around, on fb and all other social networking sites. That it makes me think what did I, not do and what did they do, to have their better half circling around there (middle)little finger. Either they are faking it pretty well, since I believe there are no perfect marriages or they are too smart for their own boots. Come to think of it faking can be a temporary activity, and some of these people, I know them for quite sometime now, so they cant be pretending.
I wont lie, at times it makes me jealous to the core. With my introspection mode on most of the times. And acceptance being my most severe craving in life be it my parents, spouse, friends, and now son. Why is it so hard for me to achieve a tag which says ‘not that bad, after all’. Some big question keeps haunting me day in day out ‘will my parents ever be proud of me?’ will I ever be a good wife/mother/and okay in all other relationships. A very close friend tells me that Aquarians are not cut out for marriage and I have kind of accepted the fact. However, I still cant let go of the acceptance by my blood relations.
Have stopped going to blogs which shout publically about, how proud they are of their son/daughters/spouses/maa etc etc. but cant let go of fb, thanks to my fv addiction which is another forum for public display of affection. Though I still don’t know what more agni pareekhas will I have to go through to pass the okay test for everybody I love and care about so much.

The Dual Rule Book

I being a huge feminist. And huge would be an understatemtent. Find it really hard to digest that there are two different set of rule books followed in our society. One for the males and one for the females. And if we had to look at those two rule books, my faith on the fact that god is surely a man is reinstored. Cause its okay for a guy to flirt around for he is considered a charmer on occurrence such cognizable offences, but when wimmen displays something like that she is rated as a first grade slut. Of course nobody thinks you require grey cells to indulge in a verbal seduction. For a guy his priority list is ever changing, depending upon his mood, situation, time, need etc etc. But for a gal it has to be a chapter from the Bible, where he is considered Jesus, which cannot be amended ever. I can quote hazaar such examples where god definitely was partial towards wimmen while creating them. But then again it’s a mans world and who is to question.

I believed that love is not my forte till a few years back and now I don’t think marriage or partnership is my cup of tea either. Cause its really really hard for me to accept and follow these dual rule books. But then its equally harder to live without support from the opposite sex. After all how long can you keep changing, hoping to find that soul mate. When there is no such thing called soul mate. All you get is hybrid package deal with and without certain acceptable and certain non acceptable flaws, nothing full proof. You just need to choose what is easier to adjust with.