Its sulk time again. And I donno if sulking is the right word. When you goof up big time and you know its because of you that everybody is getting beaten up, how exactly is the feeling. Sulking, guilty, complexed, angry, frustrated, sad, introspecting etc etc. I am feeling a mix of all emotions combined in one. I really donno if I should be angry with myself or take this as a learning opportunity. Ideally one should get up and get a hold of himself/herself to introspect what went wrong and how in future such things should be avoided. Rather than indulging in self pity which most ppl like me do under such kinda circumstances.
I donno even know how to start saying sorry for all those ppl who had to bear the brunt of it cause of me. Infact even though I really don’t want to admit this but a small little word called ‘sorry’ doesn’t come too easily to me. I better die enable to face myself than say sorry especially when I know that such a thing would be repeated time and again. I have to learn this even though I am Adam’s age now. Such behaviour should be totally unacceptable. And what better place to make a confession or admit this, than here. My stupid, little, loyal blog. Who doesn’t counter me, who doesn’t make me feel all the more guilty. Which just listens and listens and listens.
I am not even sure if I’ll do something today to mend my ways. Or if I would go about improving things. Where to start from. Can somebody guide me. I seriously need a shrink cause 30 plus you are not expected to learn how to say sorry, when most of us are so experienced enuf to not make mistakes/blunders in the first place. Load of questions circling my mind. Will he forgive me, will I be able to prove people wrong that no I m not useless. Can I perform, is it worth introspecting. If there is some kinda grooming classes happening anywhere please let me know. Or I will die of guilt and complex. Thank god nobody knows me out here.
I donno even know how to start saying sorry for all those ppl who had to bear the brunt of it cause of me. Infact even though I really don’t want to admit this but a small little word called ‘sorry’ doesn’t come too easily to me. I better die enable to face myself than say sorry especially when I know that such a thing would be repeated time and again. I have to learn this even though I am Adam’s age now. Such behaviour should be totally unacceptable. And what better place to make a confession or admit this, than here. My stupid, little, loyal blog. Who doesn’t counter me, who doesn’t make me feel all the more guilty. Which just listens and listens and listens.
I am not even sure if I’ll do something today to mend my ways. Or if I would go about improving things. Where to start from. Can somebody guide me. I seriously need a shrink cause 30 plus you are not expected to learn how to say sorry, when most of us are so experienced enuf to not make mistakes/blunders in the first place. Load of questions circling my mind. Will he forgive me, will I be able to prove people wrong that no I m not useless. Can I perform, is it worth introspecting. If there is some kinda grooming classes happening anywhere please let me know. Or I will die of guilt and complex. Thank god nobody knows me out here.
2 comments:
I don't really know you, but the post did not look like coming from a stranger :)
Take care !
we are familiar dude... after all we all are humans..
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