What is that makes someone a confident person. What is it that makes someone really comfortable in his/her skin. What is it that gives positive vibes about a person that yes this one sure is satisfied with life and himself. There is no end to wishes and greed, but some of the people/friends I know of, they are at times (read it most of the times) so much at ease with themselves that just nothing bogs them down. And nothing means nothing. Even though if I had to look at them they could just be another ordinary soul on this earth, blessed with qualification one would not even take note of. You know what I mean. Has it got anything to do with your upbringing, nah it would not be fair enuf to blame it on your parents/society/environment etc etc.
I am sure it’s a self specific problem where you just oscillate between lows and highs in life. Which is me most of the times. Sometimes it is aah I am so good looking at this age, I can right exceptionally well, I have better than average sense of humor my organisation jerks have. Oh they don’t deserve to be talking to me and they are so unintelligent so and so forth. But believe it or not cut2 next fraction of a second the world will go upside down for me. And I would be like shit I am in pits. I am sure there is no body as bad as me. That gal is so matured. That friend is earning is so well he/she works so hard. Etc etc again.
I think it’s a genetic default or a malfunction in me. Which I don’t think I have enuf guts to admit in front of anybody save this blog. Where my identity is safe. (Hope so) But I am on a constant trip of introspection/self interrogation/scrutiny/pity. I was reading a blog just now, someone whom I know of for sometime now only thru her writings. And there were only happy posts on it. May be cause she writes for the people/friends/relatives/parents/acquaintances she knows and it is not as anonymous for the guys she writes for. But I just couldn’t figure out how someone could have so many happy moments to share and be so satisfied all the time. After all she is another gal. And then eureka I realised may be because I write it anonymously its more of a cribbing place for me. This way alteast no one can point a finger at me and say oh she is always whining, crying and cribbing. Which obviously I know I am but don’t want to be told again and again.
Another friend, she must be 6 on 10 in looks, 5 on 10 in average intelligence, but 10 on 10 in confidence. How do people manage such things especially when you are in a relationship. Personally there are hazaar things which can run me down if I am head over heals for a guy. Infact I don’t think I need a reason to be insecure most of the times. One word reassurance, a constant dose of the same is a must for me in such situations. I think I justify that word more than anybody I know of.
Am I abnormal/insane.But honestly I am yet to learn this trick.
I am sure it’s a self specific problem where you just oscillate between lows and highs in life. Which is me most of the times. Sometimes it is aah I am so good looking at this age, I can right exceptionally well, I have better than average sense of humor my organisation jerks have. Oh they don’t deserve to be talking to me and they are so unintelligent so and so forth. But believe it or not cut2 next fraction of a second the world will go upside down for me. And I would be like shit I am in pits. I am sure there is no body as bad as me. That gal is so matured. That friend is earning is so well he/she works so hard. Etc etc again.
I think it’s a genetic default or a malfunction in me. Which I don’t think I have enuf guts to admit in front of anybody save this blog. Where my identity is safe. (Hope so) But I am on a constant trip of introspection/self interrogation/scrutiny/pity. I was reading a blog just now, someone whom I know of for sometime now only thru her writings. And there were only happy posts on it. May be cause she writes for the people/friends/relatives/parents/acquaintances she knows and it is not as anonymous for the guys she writes for. But I just couldn’t figure out how someone could have so many happy moments to share and be so satisfied all the time. After all she is another gal. And then eureka I realised may be because I write it anonymously its more of a cribbing place for me. This way alteast no one can point a finger at me and say oh she is always whining, crying and cribbing. Which obviously I know I am but don’t want to be told again and again.
Another friend, she must be 6 on 10 in looks, 5 on 10 in average intelligence, but 10 on 10 in confidence. How do people manage such things especially when you are in a relationship. Personally there are hazaar things which can run me down if I am head over heals for a guy. Infact I don’t think I need a reason to be insecure most of the times. One word reassurance, a constant dose of the same is a must for me in such situations. I think I justify that word more than anybody I know of.
Am I abnormal/insane.But honestly I am yet to learn this trick.
2 comments:
No you are not abnormal !!!
you are just human !!! everyone who looks 100% confident too has his/her own share of the not so great moments, but they choose to keep looking at the nicer ones and only talk about them...
more often than not, they are reminding themselves of the good times and forgetting the bad ones, with sharing them !!!
Nope, dude
You definitely not loony
Cynical - yes
Loony - No
Everybody has his / her fair share of periods of self-soubt, Why-am-I-so-different-from-others-phase
Take a deep breath, and yeah show those pearlies a bit more, albeit without that suspicious look on your face;-)
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